Love or Not
by fresh42jazz
Summary: The eight drabbles from the SxJ December Drabbles 2006 that I actually finished. Warning: slash.
1. Christmas Eve

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/01/06 on SxJ.**

It first happened on Christmas Eve. Sirius was sitting by the fire sipping a hot cup of cocoa when James walked in. He choked on his drink and truly _saw_ James.

Sirius would never forget the first time he noticed James. He saw how expressive his eyes were, how plump his lips were. He wanted to pull James close and run his fingers through the messy black hair.

Then James saw Lily by the stairs. It was the first time that Sirius felt his heart break, but it would not be the last. From then on, he despised Christmas Eve.


	2. No Words

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/02/06 on SxJ.**

James burrowed under the covers and put a pillow over his head. He had seen Sirius kissing some sixth year Ravenclaw. His heart had clenched and he had sprinted back to the tower to lie on his bed and wallow in his misery.

"Prongs?"

James groaned. "What, Sirius?"

Sirius shifted from foot to foot. "Well, the thing is… I don't know how to say this…"

"Spit it out, Padfoot."

Sirius opened his mouth but no sound came out. After several moments of silence, he gave up on words. He instead leaned towards James and then gently pressed their lips together.


	3. Three Words

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/03/06 on SxJ.**

"I love you."

"Sirius? You _what_?!?"

"Uh… nothing."

"You said that you love me."

"Nope."

"Sirius."

"Fine! I love you, okay! I know that I shouldn't because it'll ruin our friendship, but I can't help it! I really do love –"

"Sirius –"

"No! I don't want to hear it. I _know_ that you don't love me. Just… please. Don't say –"

"Sirius!"

"What?!"

"I. Love. You."

"Come again?"

"Gods, Sirius. I _love_ you. I'm _in_ love with _you_. I really, _really_ love you!"

"Really?"

"_No_, Paddy. I just said that. Of _course_ I do!"

"Oh. I love you too."


	4. Forever Hold Your Peace

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/05/06 on SxJ.**

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

He hadn't said anything; he couldn't speak. Those words would eternally haunt him: "_forever_ hold your peace." Sirius saw them kiss; his heart ripped into two pieces and he wanted to scream.

When they announced the pregnancy, he had the urge to punch a wall. When Harry was born, Sirius wanted to die. He was a carbon copy of his father; the man that Sirius loved but would never have, could never have.

And when he confronted Peter, Sirius had only one thought… his love was dead. He would forever hold his peace.


	5. Chocolate Surprise

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/06/06 on SxJ.**

Sirius delicately placed the rich chocolate on his tongue and moaned as the taste spread through his mouth. He slowly brought his finger to his lips and unhurriedly sucked the melted chocolate off. He fluidly pulled it out then licked his lips. Sirius smirked as he heard a groan.

"Gods, Siri. I'm sorry! Okay, I'm _really_ sorry!"

"You will be."

"I don't even know what I did!"

Sirius glared at him. "You were being an insensitive prat!" He turned and ran into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

James stood by the door. "Siri, what's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant."


	6. Forget

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/07/06 on SxJ.**

"Why?"

"I can forget it when I'm drunk."

"Forget what, Siri?"

"The summer, the pain, the hurt, all of it: I _need_ to forget. I can forget that my father tried to stab me to death. I can forget that my mother verbally abused me. I can forget all of the beatings and rapes. I can just… forget."

James simply stared, pale and shocked, at Sirius.

"But you know what, Prongsie?"

James couldn't speak, but he made a humming noise in his throat.

"I can't forget. Not really. It will haunt me forever in my dreams. I will _never_ forget."


	7. The Cold

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/08/06 on SxJ.**

The cold swirled around him and through the holes in his shabby coat, but Sirius didn't notice. He simply stared at the tombstone. The harsh slab of stone was devoid of the joy that had filled James' life. Tears didn't fall, they wouldn't fall. Sirius had not cried since James had died. He would not allow himself to show grief. A part of him actually refused to believe that James was dead. It was as if his denial allowed Sirius to remain calm for just a while longer. To accept it would be to allow the cold to take over.


	8. Broken

**Written for the December Drabble Challenge 12/12/06 on SxJ.**

He took it from you. You never realized. You never saw him lock it away. You didn't understand until you tried to get it back. You can never get it back; never. It is damaged, broken, unfixable.

He crushed it and ripped it to pieces. He tore it in two.

When you thought that it was finally mending, he took it back and broke it again.

No one else can fix it. He has left his imprint on you, a void that can only be filled by him.

You lie there. You can't do much else while it's so broken.


End file.
